Sunday, 9 August 2009

I do NOT want to write this...grrrr

Howdy :)

(NOTE: this is quite long and rambly - I'm sorry, I just need to get these thoughts out there)

Yes, it is with great regret that I am actually writing this... but by doing it, it makes it real and thus I can't ignore it as it will be here for all to see :(

I am jumping back on the gyming wagon :S I have mixed feelings about this as I hate the thought of going to the gym (it's never that bad when I get there) and also being super broke at the minute I do not like the thought of the ridiculous prices my local gym charge :( needs must though...

It has now got to the stage where I look at myself and genuinely do not like anything that I see. I honestly have been a size 14 since I was 18 (nearly 5 years now) and I still fit that size, however last night after looking at old photos (not even that old - ones from the last 1/2 years) it dawned on me how much fatter I am now :( I do realise that does sound stupid - that I'm the same size but just fatter :S but it really is the case!

I'm the first to admit I'm lazy but genuinely once I get going with walking, cycling, gym I am ok and do enjoy it. I also enjoy eating...everything that I shouldn't and thus making me look how I do now. I have so much admiration for all you lovely ladies who have the balls to go to weightwatchers etc (and the lovely Marie who's picture is on the voucher for Scottish Slimmers :P) but to me, that seems like such a HUGE thing and right now I dunno if I could face that :S perhaps down the line...So for now, it will be exercise and better eating all the way. I owe it to myself, I just want to feel better about how I look, get my confidence back and just be me again :)

So here's goes nothing...well not nothing lol, hopefully a big something for me :D all I'm aiming for right now, is to feel less "pudgy" and would love to be a size 12 again, which honestly shouldn't be that's just the thought of it right now!

Wish me luck ladies, I do really take inspiration from you all going through the same and admire you all so much for being so forthcoming with all your personal experiences :)

Speak soon :)


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